Requiem for Flim

(reprinted here by Flimsy's family)

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing to you from the Mansfield, LA county jail. Having used my one phone call to reach my bank for reasons I choose not to discuss with you at this time, I am reduced to using this antiquated form of communique. I only pray we still have horses around to deliver this note and it reaches you in the 3-6 month time period guaranteed.
Incidentally, my plan to withdraw five dollar bills for a profit was a resounding success! My undoing later came not at the hand of some sharp, weekend reading bank snoop but as fate would have it, by my own hand. I beat the bank, but I could not beat myself. I consider this a win.
A miscalculation in fuel costs, lodging expenses, and the location of Louisiana dented the seed money required to achieve the optimum profits of said plan. After my 2700 miles journey I was left with $47.25 in my checking account. Once at the ATM I had read about, I was able to make nine $5 withdrawls. This multiplied by the banking error netted me a profit of $135 in cash and left me with $2.25 in my checking account. In principle I had won! In reality I could not control my boiling self hatred. A sharp gas station cashier picked up on my shrieking and interpreted this as a sign of trouble. She called local authorities.
I would ask you to wire the $150 bail money to my checking account, but alas, it has been closed by the bank for not retaining the minimum balance of $5. A cheap shot by the bank, but well played I must admit.
If your busy summer schedule allows for some time to come get me I would be most grateful. As summers go I certainly understand if you cannot. At the very least I submit to you a request for more stamps. The 70 stamps I was allotted have already been used to contact future employers that I will be unavailable for interviews indefinitely. As a matter of corporate policy my resume is on file with hundreds of companies and will notify me if something else comes open that would be a better fit for me. No further correspondence is necessary Mr. Lament. We will contact you. Fine, but I'm sending you my new address in Mansfield and letting you know I can only communicate through the Pony Express.

Hope to hear from y'all (I'm already picking up the local parlance) soon!

-Flim