My Greatest Fear Realized: I Need My Appendix

Well, ol Flim here again mulling over a recent story published by Duke University Medical School. Seems I need my appendix after all. Well, thanks UNMC for taking it out 3 years ago and flushing it down the 'useless' organ drain. At the time I admit I asked them to do it. After 9 hours in excruciating pain I finally dismissed my original diagnosis of intestinal distress due to suspect sweet and sour chicken from the Rice Bowl and headed to the emergency room. I was asked to rate my pain by the admitting nurse on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a level of pain equivalent to dinner at your in-laws and 10 being a level of pain equivalent to working at Aureus Medical in Omaha, NE. I rated my pain at 50 at which point they administered a Pete Doherty dose of morphine. I immediately vomited causing some consternation on the part of the nurse who was tasked with cleaning it up. I believe I heard at this point the nurse griping ' Four years of schooling for this shit...." I also heard angels singing so what I recall during this part of my stay can't be stated as fact. I was after all high at this point. Later, in pre-op I was administered an anesthetic via gas mask. No vomiting this time. I started to fade as the nurse said Mr. Lament we will of course be putting in a catheter. 'Where does that go," I asked. 'In your penis.' Oh, I said. Then everything went black but not before I heard a couple nurses giggling. I'm guessing this is when said catheter was being inserted. Well, anyway that's all I got today. Sure hope I don't read tomorrow I need my liver for anything.