Requiem for Flim

(reprinted here by Flimsy's family)

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing to you from the Mansfield, LA county jail. Having used my one phone call to reach my bank for reasons I choose not to discuss with you at this time, I am reduced to using this antiquated form of communique. I only pray we still have horses around to deliver this note and it reaches you in the 3-6 month time period guaranteed.
Incidentally, my plan to withdraw five dollar bills for a profit was a resounding success! My undoing later came not at the hand of some sharp, weekend reading bank snoop but as fate would have it, by my own hand. I beat the bank, but I could not beat myself. I consider this a win.
A miscalculation in fuel costs, lodging expenses, and the location of Louisiana dented the seed money required to achieve the optimum profits of said plan. After my 2700 miles journey I was left with $47.25 in my checking account. Once at the ATM I had read about, I was able to make nine $5 withdrawls. This multiplied by the banking error netted me a profit of $135 in cash and left me with $2.25 in my checking account. In principle I had won! In reality I could not control my boiling self hatred. A sharp gas station cashier picked up on my shrieking and interpreted this as a sign of trouble. She called local authorities.
I would ask you to wire the $150 bail money to my checking account, but alas, it has been closed by the bank for not retaining the minimum balance of $5. A cheap shot by the bank, but well played I must admit.
If your busy summer schedule allows for some time to come get me I would be most grateful. As summers go I certainly understand if you cannot. At the very least I submit to you a request for more stamps. The 70 stamps I was allotted have already been used to contact future employers that I will be unavailable for interviews indefinitely. As a matter of corporate policy my resume is on file with hundreds of companies and will notify me if something else comes open that would be a better fit for me. No further correspondence is necessary Mr. Lament. We will contact you. Fine, but I'm sending you my new address in Mansfield and letting you know I can only communicate through the Pony Express.

Hope to hear from y'all (I'm already picking up the local parlance) soon!

-Flim

Money for Nothing

(reprinted here by Flimsy's family)

Dear Friends and Family,

By the time you read this I shall be in Mansfield, LA where according to a story on CNN.com this morning an ATM machine is mistakenly giving out twenty dollar bills instead of fives. I shall arrive unheeded to hatch my plan so long as a bank employee doesn't read CNN.com The probability is low I have concluded, as bankers tend to relax on weekends after the grind of a long week of 'banker's hours.' Reading the internets is not relaxing, so far as I can tell, but as evidenced today can provide a wealth of information to the entrepreneurial minded.
And yes, I have wrestled with the latent immorality of such an act and have concluded there is none. At first blush it seems the bank is sure to lose money but like the stock market a banking transaction is a risky proposition entered into willingly by both parties, the bank and the customer. The outcome is never certain. A customer may write a check for $62.45 at Louis Liquor Emporium in Omaha last week only to discover later such funds were not in an account. A common oversight, right? Yes, I would say. But no, the bank has charged me a $25 insufficient check charge. Bank wins again. Or for example a customer swipes his Visa check card only to hear 'I'm sorry sir this card was declined.' Really? I said. This transaction is a draw. No one wins, no one loses. The bank is happy, and the customer satiated as he had already drank half of the Bud tall boy while waiting in line.
In short I will continue this little dance between man and the banking system. Only this time were gonna tussle Bayou style. I shall ask for a five dollar bill and the bank, if it accepts the challenge, will give me a five. That is all I ask for. Should I end up with something else, well welcome back to the roller coaster world of high finance, bank!
See you soon!

-Flimsy

New Band Names

It's your brother Flim here. Just got the new batch of band names in. A few good ones this time. Put your order in now -- remember we are now buying used band names.

1. Brother Bunyon
2. The Moving Stones
3. The Frank Brown Experiment (includes bonus album title: Are You Experimented?)
4. Blood Butt 5
5. Tina Fahey Man
6. Pavement (ne)
7. Wormy William and The Peroxide Lizards
8. Pros & Con-Agra ~ sold out
9. Adam West O and The Sprawlers
10. Immanuel Nebraskant

The Picture of Delorean Gray*

*Certified Flimsy Lament Original

Flag Poll Sitter

Flim here again with an unscientific poll of Omahan's favorite polls of all time.
1. Mondale/Ferraro vs Reagan/Bush 1984 Exit Poll.
2. Favorite Gordons Poll 2007
3. Weirdos paid to ask Omahan's to sign gambling initiative poll 2006 (Ed. Note - that's not really a poll but an overwhelming number of Omahan's brought it up.)
4. Maypole 1983
5. Favorite Polls of All Time Poll 2007

Flim here with his unscientific poll of Omahan's favorite Gordons of all time.

1. Gordon Jump
2. Gordon Lightfoot
3. Flash Gordon