'Brownie Dispatched To California, U.S. Closer to Armageddon

'You're doing a heck of a job Brownie'

Here's Something Gay

You know what really seems gay to me? When a guy kisses another guy. That’s gay, boy.

Flim On Sitcoms

Sitcoms, I believe, are the Conrad Bain of our existence.

More Flimsy Wisdom

I think it was Helen Keller who once famously said 'Talk to the hand cause the head ain’t listenin.'

Flim Waxes Existential

Sometimes I have existential thoughts like where did the soul go of the guy who I just hit with my car. And other times I just crack another beer and don't give the damn thing another thought.

UNL Athletic Director Fired

You heard it here last......Steve Pedersen fired as UNL's Athletic Director (yawn).

How The Huskers Losing Can Benefit Omaha

You'll not find too many sports related musings in this space however with the recent dust up over the Husker loss to Missouri and the proposed demolition of Rosenblatt stadium in favor of building a new one downtown I offer the following solution: A 2% bitching tax on all football complaints. Each second of complaining about football is equal to one dollar. If you bitch for one minute you are taxed on $60 at 2% for a total of $1.20. Please mail $1.20 to Mayor Mike Fahey. If the bitching occurs on a Monday morning and disrupts coworkers in your office, the tax doubles. This professional infraction is equivalent to speeding in a construction zone -- the fine doubles. I predict if we implement this program the funds for a new baseball stadium will be raised by Thanksgiving and construction shall be completed by St. Patty's Day. And I would have no problem being honored for this accomplishment. I ask for no money though. Only that I see these words in 25 foot lettering: Flimsy Lament Stadium.

My Greatest Fear Realized: I Need My Appendix

Well, ol Flim here again mulling over a recent story published by Duke University Medical School. Seems I need my appendix after all. Well, thanks UNMC for taking it out 3 years ago and flushing it down the 'useless' organ drain. At the time I admit I asked them to do it. After 9 hours in excruciating pain I finally dismissed my original diagnosis of intestinal distress due to suspect sweet and sour chicken from the Rice Bowl and headed to the emergency room. I was asked to rate my pain by the admitting nurse on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a level of pain equivalent to dinner at your in-laws and 10 being a level of pain equivalent to working at Aureus Medical in Omaha, NE. I rated my pain at 50 at which point they administered a Pete Doherty dose of morphine. I immediately vomited causing some consternation on the part of the nurse who was tasked with cleaning it up. I believe I heard at this point the nurse griping ' Four years of schooling for this shit...." I also heard angels singing so what I recall during this part of my stay can't be stated as fact. I was after all high at this point. Later, in pre-op I was administered an anesthetic via gas mask. No vomiting this time. I started to fade as the nurse said Mr. Lament we will of course be putting in a catheter. 'Where does that go," I asked. 'In your penis.' Oh, I said. Then everything went black but not before I heard a couple nurses giggling. I'm guessing this is when said catheter was being inserted. Well, anyway that's all I got today. Sure hope I don't read tomorrow I need my liver for anything.

Dispatch from Phoenix: Woman Dies Cuffed in Cell

PHOENIX, ARIZONA (Reuters) - A woman died after being placed in an airport holding cell in Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix authorities are investigating the possibility that Carol Ann Gotbaum choked herself to death while struggling to get free from her handcuffs. She leaves behind 3 young kids and her luggage.

Into The Wild

I just finished reading the best seller Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer, the true story of
a wealthy college grad who renounces money and possessions to live off the land. His odyssey leads him to the wilds of the Alaska bush where he befriends an Alaskan Bear who ultimately stabs him in the back and eats him. (I actually haven't read the last chapter so I'm not sure how he dies. Death by vicious Bear mauling seems the most likely conclusion.)
Anyway, I couldn't help but notice the parallels between the protagonist Chris McCandless and myself. In the summer of '82 my folks and I departed Omaha for a week long adventure in the Black Hills, SD. One evening as the sun dipped down below the mighty tree line and the sky turned an inky black I became disoriented and lost my way back to our cabin. Suddenly a tiny red pulsating light grabbed my attention. I moved toward the light cautiously. It was my dad -- dragging on a Merit Light. Turns out I had been circling the same fir tree over and over for seven minutes...all the while I was but 15 feet from our cabin. Man -1, Nature - 0.

Hal Daub's Campaign Script

Hal Daub: "Washington is broke and we need someone to fix it....that is why fellow Nebraskans I am committed to running for U.S. Senate and changing this flawed system."

SFX: Phone Ringing

Hal Daub: Hello?

Washington D.C.: We're not sending you any money.

SFX: Phone hanging up.

Hal Daub: "....and that is why fellow Nebraskans I am not committed to running for U.S. Senate."